


A Parody of Kissing

by I_Shouldnt_Be_Here



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Established Relationship, Funny, Humor, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Kinda, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24336580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Shouldnt_Be_Here/pseuds/I_Shouldnt_Be_Here
Summary: Another day in the household. Bonus appearances are a straight romance novel, some pick up lines, salt and sexual miseducation
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 32





	A Parody of Kissing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Monamoni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monamoni/gifts).



> I challenge you to read this without giggling. I failed.  
> Enjoy!

Aman entered Kartik’s room and saw him bent over a book. People could disagree, but nobody could argue otherwise that boyfriends bent over books looked the sexiest. Kartik had a red coloured book in his hand and curiously regarded the material with wide eyes.

Aman’s eyes zoomed into the cover, simultaneously getting distracted by Kartik’s curious eyes, which had a gentle smoulder in them.

“Kya padh rahe ho?” Aman looked at the cover. It had a man and a woman giving each other the ‘I’m-undressing-you-with-my-eyes’ look, bordered in red. Aman snatched the book out of Kartik’s hands. Kartik got miffed and tried to snatch it back.

_ (What are you reading?) _

“The conqueror’s private conquests… Yeh kya hai?” Kartik blushed red and Aman’s arms swooped downward, away from Kartik.

_ (The conqueror’s private conquests… what is that?) _

“Wapas kar yaar!” Kartik screamed, not able to decide whether to snatch the book from Aman’s hands or to hide his face.

_ (Give it back!) _

“Oh ho, toh free time me aap romance novels bhi padh lete hain… Kya hua am I not enough for you?” Aman winked.

_ (Oh no, so you read romance novels in your free time… Am I not enough for you?) _

“Yes you are. Stop fishing for compliments, Devika novel chhod kar gayi hai. Padh raha thha because,  _ curiosity.”  _ Kartik defended himself. Aman couldn’t stop his laughter.

_ (Yes you are. Stop fishing for compliments, Devika left it here. I was reading it because of curiosity.) _

“You’re gay, I am gay, but a  _ straight  _ romance novel? Agar romance novels padhne ka mann thha toh mijhe bataa dete I would have given you a gay romance novel…”

_ (You’re gay, I am gay, but a straight romance novel? If you wanted to read one I would have given you a gay romance novel…) _

“Bola na,  _ curiosity. _ Dekhna thha ki badly is there a difference between badly written straight romance and badly written gay romance. Pata chala dono cringe hai, the only difference is that I would call the straight romance novel as outright cringey while I would internally melt at the gay romance one. Devika ko kaha thha ki ‘the cringier the better.’”

_ (I told you, the only motivation is curiosity. I wanted to see if there is a difference between badly written straight romance and badly written gay romance. Now I know, both are equally cringey. The only difference is that I would call the straight one outright ‘cringey’ while I would melt internally at the gay one. I told Devika, ‘the cringier the better’.) _

“Hmm, being honest are you, Kartik?” Aman placed his finger over his chin, tilting his head just a little to expose the twinkle in his eyes. Kartik melted for a moment after looking at his eyes and hearing his name from Aman’s lips. 

“Haan, problem hai kya?” Kartik retorted, his eyes turning darker

_ (Yes _ ,  _ you have a problem?) _

“Although I have no interest in reading two hundred pages of glorified tonsil tennis, but dekhte hai isme kya hai.” He challenged him and began flipping through the pages of the book.

_ (Although I have no interest in reading two hundred pages of glorified tonsil tennis, but let's see what we have in here.) _

“Darling! I am an empty husk left tumbling in the desert heat without you. My heart becomes a storm, destroying everything in its path without your soothing touch…” Kartik blushed harder and Aman’s enactments grew more ridiculous as the dialogue proceeded. He waved his hands in the air, raising them to his forehead in a melodramatic gesture.

“Haan, Mr. ‘glorifed tonsil tennis’, ab har romance novel aapko puch kar likha jaayega.” Kartik riposted.

_ (Yes, Mr. ‘glorified tonsil tennis’, now everyone writing a romance novel will write theirs in consultation with you.) _

“Ruko, let me find more. ‘He observed the curves of her sleeping face, the moonlight hugged her cheekbones, making him jealous.’ Kitna creepy hai yaar…”

_ (Wait, let me find more. ‘He observed the curves of her sleeping face, the moonlight hugged her cheekbones, making him jealous.’ It's so creepy…) _

“When they kissed, it was as if the sky had poured rainfalls of love to quench the thirsty earth. Their tongues fought for dominance, and violently announced more thunderstorms in this season of love…” Aman laughed and Kartik joined in.

"His nightly excursions to view his favourite work of art left increasingly left him sleepless… Eww, ab ladki 'work of art' ho gayi? Matlab she's only someone to be admired duur se? Yaar ye author ne pakka zindagi me kisi ladki sei ek baat tak nahi kiya hoga…"

_ (His nightly excursions to view his favourite work of art increasingly left him sleepless… Eww, now the girl's a 'work of art'? Meaning she's only someone to be admired from afar? I swear this author hasn't talked to a single girl in his entire life.) _

"Ab baari hai sex scene ki… Lekin I wonder if I'll be able to read it with a straight face." Aman said.

_ (Now comes the sex scene… But I wonder if I'll be able to read it with a straight face.) _

"Padh hi le, kya jaata hai." Kartik replied, clearly missing an opportunity to take a jab at 'straight face'.

_ (Read it, who cares.) _

"Okay…' His hands cradled her heaving breasts for a short while, then they wandered downward. His fingers travelled downward, inserting themselves in her valleys… He faced considerable resistance, and knew that she was a virgin. His lust grew tenfold." Aman slammed the book shut.

"Aur nahi padha jayega yaar. Is it concerning that I, a gay man know more about vaginas than this author? Hymens don't work like that! Saala aisa likha hai jaise koi tamper proof seal hai... Aur yeh virginity pe kya obsession hai yaar…" Aman ranted, recalling all his biology classes. His mood soured instantly.

_ (Okay, now I can't read more. Is it concerning that I, a gay man know more about vaginas than this author? Hymens don't work like that! Written as if they're fucking tamper proof seals… And what's this obsession with virginity…) _

"Aman, unko rehne do. I didn't know people wrote things like this. Pura sexual miseducation hai."

_ (Aman, leave them be. I didn't know people wrote things like this. It's pure sexual miseducation.) _

"Anyway, mere pass ek idea hai… Why don't we take this cringefest outside the novel… Pick up line battle!"

_ (Anyway, I have an idea… Why don't we take this cringefest outside the novel… Pick up line competition!) _

Aman knew that he needed to shoot each one of Kartik's lines down. A mischievous smile spread across his lips.

"Challenge accepted."

"Baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"No but it's certainly going to hurt when I destroy all that you hold dear." Aman winked.

"Okay next one. Will you go out with me this weekend?"

"Oh sorry, I'm having a headache that day." 

"I think I could make you happy."

"Why? Are you leaving?" Aman smiled.

"Okay, I'm not ready for death-by-salt. Pick up line sach me bhool gaya… Because I was looking at you." Kartik gave him one of his winning smiles. Aman melted.

"Aur baatein karne ka mann nahi kar raha bro…I want to hold you… Are you okay with it?" 

"Yes!" Aman replied. Both of them walked towards each other with extended arms, Aman promptly bumping his head against Kartik's nose.

"Ouch!" Kartik replied, rubbing his nose. 

"Oh teri! Sorry yaar…" Aman rushed to the fridge to find an ice pack.

"Utna kuch nahi hua hai…" Kartik held Aman from behind and put his hand over Aman's to close the door.

Kartik nestled his head on Aman's neck, carding his fingers through the hair on the nape. He left half second kisses there, creating a new tremble in Aman's body each time.

He ran his fingers gently through Aman's hair.

Aman received a kiss on his stubbled cheek after Kartik regarded him with a long  _ loving _ glance. 

Aman knew there were no words for his eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked. Kartik replied with a breathless 'yes'.

The gentle weight of Aman's lips rested comfortably over Kartik's. He pecked him on the lips once, twice and then lost count. Kartik held the back of Aman's neck and kissed him deeper.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, Monamoni's talked about kissing scenes being super hard to write. I don't know what happened next.  
> This is the demon spawn of the Dracula sized hangover of overly pompous dialogue.
> 
> And, no hate to romance novels okay? And to any of the beautiful people in this fandom. Write all the lovely kissing scenes you want, because even though I write a lot of melancholy angst, but I'm probably going to be the first person to read them! :)
> 
> Boy I had to sort through so much sexist trash to find decent pick up lines... 
> 
> And on an unrelated note, Humon Comics' series 'Animal Lives' is a wonderful dose of biology aided power to the queer peeps in here. It shows a few lovely examples of gender and sexuality variance in the animal kingdom, not usually taught in conventional biology classes.
> 
> Tell me how you felt like...  
> Have a good day/night!  
> Kudos and comments make my day!  
> -Advaita


End file.
